“Ah, it's always like this,” the old lady sighed heavily. “The worst men ride the best horses and sleep with the most beautiful women. It's the old man in the moon arranging these ill-matched pairings.” The next day, early in the morning when Widow Wang opened her tea shop, she saw Shi Men pacing back and forth on the main road in front of her shop.
“Hmm, he's quite eager. Ah, this time a wealthy gentleman has fallen into my hands. He must pay a hefty price if he wants to have fun!” So thought the old woman as she grinned and clenched her fists inwardly. She didn't care for propriety. Not only did she run a tea shop, she was also known as a matchmaker and a midwife, who occasionally dealt with stolen goods.
“Greetings, Kongcu. You must have an urgent matter to be here so early in the morning.” She greeted cheerfully.
“Listen carefully, Bibi Wang. If you can guess what brings me here, I'll give you a gift!”
“Aha, it's not hard, young master! Kongcu must be restless and anxious because he can't forget someone who lives next door. Isn't that so?”
“You're quite clever, Bibi Wang. Ever since I saw her yesterday, I haven't slept well, haven't been able to eat, my heart is constantly restless, filled with longing. My spirit feels paralyzed. Good Bibi Wang, can you tell me what to do?”
“Ah, Kongcu. I've been a widow since I was young and if I don't work hard, who will provide for me and my child? And how much can selling tea bring in? I do all sorts of work just to make ends meet, Kongcu.”
“Help me arrange a meeting with that beauty. If you succeed, don't worry, I'll reward you with ten tails of silver. That's enough to buy a nice coffin for you!” In those days, elderly people would feel proud and secure if they owned a coffin, so they wouldn't be left unattended when they died. A peculiar and eerie custom, indeed.
“Ha, Kongcu is easy to fool! I was only joking, Kongcu, and of course, I'm willing to help Kongcu without expecting ten tails of silver. Even though I'm old, I can still earn more than that.” With these words, the old woman had raised her price! “Good Bibi Wang, those ten tails are just the beginning and I'm willing to spend more if the result is satisfactory.”
“Kongcu, matters of love aren't that easy. Especially illicit love. For that, six conditions are needed: a handsome face, lots of money, a young body, lots of time, a gentle demeanor, and lastly the most important, a strong body and experience to satisfy a beautiful young woman’s heart.”
“To be honest, Bibi Wang, I meet all six conditions. Look at my face, although I'm not as handsome as Pan An (a legendary beauty), hmm... it's not bad! Secondly, I have plenty of money. I'm still young and my heart is younger. I also have a lot of free time because my business is taken care of by others. And about being gentle and patient, ah, I wouldn't raise my fists even if a woman hit me four hundred times. And the sixth condition, I've been experienced since a young age and I know all the secrets of women so you don't have to worry, Bibi Wang.”
“Then everything is settled. However, there's something difficult, and sometimes this can ruin all the plans.”
“What is it?”
“Please don't be angry if I speak bluntly, Kongcu, but this love affair can be ruined if one does not pay attention to it, that is, the issue of cost. I hear that Kongcu is someone who always scrutinizes his expenses, as a good merchant should. However, in this case, you can't act like a businessman trying to minimize costs as much as possible.”
“Hmm, don't worry, Bibi. I'll fulfill all your demands.”
“That's good. I have a very good plan to bring Kongcu together with the sweet beauty.”
“Is that so? Quickly tell me about this plan!” Shi Men said, excited.
“First of all, Kongcu should go home calmly, and three or six months later come back here to discuss this matter again,” the old woman teased.
“Madness! This is torture! Remember the reward I'll give you, Bibi Wang.”
“Ha-ha, be patient, Kongcu. It's true that Miss Pang Kim Lian is of ordinary descent. Her father, Old Pang, is just a small tailor outside the Southern Gate, but he's smart and educated. He can sing and play the zither, dice, and chess. He's also good at reading poetry, and proficient in all household chores. He learned singing and music at the wealthy Thio Wangwe's house. He's the one who gave the beauty to Si Cebol Bu Toa. She lives alone at home, with her stepchild, and I often accompany her. She often asks for my advice and we have a close relationship.” “That's good, Bibi Wang,” Shi Men said when the old woman paused, urging her to continue her story about the woman who made him head over heels.
“Now my plan is like this, Kongcu. First of all, buy two rolls of silk, blue and white, also a roll of fine white silk, and ten good cotton threads. Send all of it to me. I'll visit her later, pretending to ask about the auspicious date and day to send the clothes to the tailor. If she doesn't offer to do the sewing herself, it means our plan has failed. But if she says she'll do the sewing herself, it means our plan has succeeded one-tenth. If later, at my persuasion, she agrees to come here to do the work, it means two-tenths of our plan has succeeded. I'll then prepare wine and food and ask her to eat here. If she refuses, our plan fails. If she agrees, three-tenths of our plan has succeeded.”
Shi Men listened while nodding and rubbing his palms together, imagining how the plan would succeed step by step and secretly admired the cunning of this old woman.
“For the time being, Kongcu should not come here until her third visit. Kongcu should come around noon, wearing your finest clothes, and when you arrive, cough outside. Then I'll go out and say that Kongcu hasn't visited for a long time and wants to enjoy a bowl of tea. I'll then invite Kongcu in. If Miss Kim Lian gets up and leaves when Kongcu enters and I can't stop her, our plan fails. If she's willing to stay, four-tenths of our plan has succeeded. Then I'll introduce Kongcu as the provider of those silks and tell her all about Kongcu's kindness and generosity. Kongcu, on the other hand, should praise her skill and craftsmanship. If she becomes embarrassed and doesn't dare to respond, our plan fails. If she responds, half of our plan has successfully worked.”
“I'll do my best, Bibi Wang.” Shi Men said obediently like a good student. “I'll then persuade a coincidental meeting between two people who have done good to me, Kongcu who provided the fabric and her who did the sewing, to be honored with a treat of wine. Kongcu should quickly take out the money and tell me to buy the wine. If she refuses to stay alone with Kongcu, our plan fails. If she stays seated, six-tenths of our plan has succeeded. I'll take the money and go buy the wine, and ask her to keep Kongcu company. If she refuses and insists on leaving, our plan fails. If she agrees, seven-tenths of our plan has succeeded. I'll come back with the wine, take out the food and wine and ask her to join us for a drink. If she refuses to drink with Kongcu, our plan fails completely. If she only pretends to object but doesn't leave her stool, we succeed eight-tenths.”
Once again the old woman stopped and Shi Men was already sweating although the weather was quite cool. Imagining all these successes made him very eager and he wanted to hear the continuation of the plan.
“Then what, Bibi Wang? Continue!” The old woman pretended to frown and think. “The three of us will then drink a few cups. If her talk becomes loose and her attitude softens, I'll say that the wine is gone and Kongcu gives me more money. I'll leave you two to buy more wine. After leaving, I'll lock the front door. If she gets scared and insists on leaving, our plan fails. If she lets me lock the door, nine-tenths of our plan has succeeded.”
“Then what's next, what's next, Bibi Wang.” Shi Men urged.
Glossary
- Kongcu: A respectful term used to address a young master or nobleman.
- Bibi Wang: "Bibi" is an affectionate and respectful term used to address older women. "Wang" is the surname of the character in the story who is also known as "Widow Wang".
- Pan An: A legendary figure in Chinese history, known for his exceptional talent and good looks.
- Si Cebol Bu Toa: A character's name in the story. "Si Cebol" is a nickname that roughly translates to "Shorty" in English. "Bu Toa" is an honorific that means "Old Mother".
- Thio Wangwe: A wealthy and powerful family in the story.
- Tails of silver: A traditional unit of weight measurement for silver in East Asia.
- Pang Kim Lian: The name of the female character that Shi Men is infatuated with.
- Old Pang: The father of Pang Kim Lian who works as a tailor.